“I’m exhausted. I’ve been on this street a thousand times! It’s never looked so strange! The faces…so cold! In the distance, a child is crying. Fatherless…a bastard child, perhaps. My back aches… my heart aches… but my feet… my feet are resilient! Thank God I took off my heels, and put on my Himalayan Walking Shoes.”

You’re doing it wrong. Hiking is no longer for the cut off jeans and Chuck Taylor crowd, in fact, if you want to walk in the woods behind your house, bring your wallet. Otherwise run the risk of being exposed as a lesser Hiker, a phony, a fraud. If you do want to look the part, well by all means start saving now. Wired.com providing the latest trendy crap you need to show the world how much of a professional hiker you are. Ain’t no half steppin in this game folks. Sure those Revo shades will run you $170 but that’s only the gateway drug into the wonderful world of overpriced footwear and backpacks. Why yes, this is something straight out of the J Peterman (Seinfeld) Catalog. Those boots will run you $350. My favorite however is the pop-up seat people bring to little league games. It’s only $100 to look like a soccer mom on top of a mountain, but hey, you spent your money to look like whatever the hell you want. I guess if you are staying overnight, at least sleep in comfort… “It’s a hot night. The mind races. You think about your knife, the only friend who hasn’t betrayed you, the only friend who won’t be dead by sun-up. Sleep tight, mates, in your quilted chambray nightshirts.”

Start saving folks, this “sport” is now more expensive than Hockey. It’s the exact reason why I never go hiking anyway, I always had a sneaking suspicion I was saving money. Thanks to this report, I know now those days of sitting at home while everyone else went hiking were spent wisely.

(Pic Google)